So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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