I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
