we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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