Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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