Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My bed smells like the plague
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
