i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
