Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
