Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
