i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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