I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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