i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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