ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
