She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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