oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
