So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
