..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
