you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
