tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
