Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
