The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
