U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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