Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
