A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
