dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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