he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
