New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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