I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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