I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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