I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When did we convert life to cartoon?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
