I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I supernannyed him into submission
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
