obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
