i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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