Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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