u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
