I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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