on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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