i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
