That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
