You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
