My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
