I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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