Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
