we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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