He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
