he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
