eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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