david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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