That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
