so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
