So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
