that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
