Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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