I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
