Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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