toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
