I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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